Structure & Discipline for Daughter, Pamela—A Well-Run Home by a Loving Mom, Elaine

As shown here, this post is about a very loving mom, Elaine, who spanks her 14-year-old daughter, Pamela, when she misbehaves or is disobedient.  While I do not advocate for the spanking of children, since many families continue to do so, it is instructive for such families to validate the spankings they give, but to understand that such must be administered in a loving manner, and spankings are not beatings, but must be administered long enough for them to be effective.  Elaine believes that spankings should be for 10 to 20 minutes long as she holds Pamela over her knee and continues to spank her for a long time. 

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There have been many discussions concerning the pros-and-cons of spanking children.  We’ll consider those who are 13- to 17-years-old, and those who are 18+-years-old, normally 18- to 26-years-old.  I have many posts on this latter group, and they can be seen by clicking on the links cited below following the banner below asking for information on spankings by moms.

For those in the first group, 13- to 17-years-old, I believe that many arguments against spanking are refuted by the very nature of those in this group.  That is, Pol Pot and Mao Tse Tung actually recognized the nature of late teens—they are very physically-oriented.  They resolve problems by fighting.  Very few teens sit around philosophizing about their life and how they should settle disputes without fighting.  No, and especially girls, will just go out and beat up any girl they are mad at.  Too often we think that it is boys who fight, but in fact, girls are actually more prone to aggressive-fighting each other than boys are.  With boys, it is more of a structured activity; i.e., they will “agree to meet” at a certain time and place to fight.  With girls, they will just sneak up on another girl and beat her up!  This is what Pol Pot (The Killing Fields) and Mao Tse-Tung (Let a Thousand Flowers Bloom) recognized.  Give a teenager a tank and gun, and what will they do?  They’ll go and kill someone and take control of a village or community.  They are very physically-oriented, and only really respond to someone who will “beat” them or spank them to make them behave and do what they are told to do.  With Pol Pot, he let these teens travel the countryside and go into villages and take control and then kill anyone they wanted to kill.  With Mao Tse-Tung, he let the teenagers run amok and terrorize other citizens and get rid of anyone who did not support Mao.

To help her daughter the most, a mom must make her daughter bare her bottom and bend over her mom’s knee to be spanked.  The girl may not always be naked, but she must always be spanked on her bare bottom.

I previously posted reports about the structure and discipline programs for girls.  These described a number of different scenarios that occur in a variety of homes.  The report being posted here now is concerned with a very traditional spanking and discipline program in a strict, but not fanatically religious, Christian home, as are many homes in a religious Serbian community.  This is a home in which “Reasoned Spanking-Discipline” is administered.

I have posted many times about my own thoughts on the spanking of children—I do not recommend it.  However, from messages I have received from 14- to 17-year-old girls, and of girls who are 18- to 24-years-old, spanking girls of this age is quite common.  This post presents the report from a mom who does spank her 14-year-old daughter, Pamela, and my role as the mom’s, Elaine’s, Pastor who spanks Elaine, but not Pamela.  I never spank any girl who is not at least 18-years-old.  But, the spanking of younger girls is so common, that it is important to present a family in which such spankings are administered in a very reasoned manner.

As for my previous posts on Structure and Discipline Programs from 2013 can be found at:

http://spankedcoeds2.com/blog/2013/09/10/structure-discipline-program-for-girls/

http://spankedcoeds2.com/blog/2013/09/16/structure-discipline-program-for-girls-domestic-obedience/

http://spankedcoeds2.com/blog/2013/09/19/structure-discipline-program-for-girls-late-home-from-shopping-after-date-spanking-no-masturbating/

This current report is about Pamela and her mom Elaine who live in S. Carolina.

We live in a small town — a very suburban middle-class environment.”

Discipline in our family now is exactly the same as it was for me growing up in the 1970’s and 1980’s—spanking is part of the parenting tools that are used.  And spankings have always been used with Pamela, and the process for administering a spanking has remained the same—the same process that I had growing up; that is, she is taken to her room, her clothes come off and she goes over my knee to be spanked.  And this also includes the Pastor of our church who comes to our home to administer the spankings when necessary.   

Now, I do not spank Pamela as her “pastor”, because I am not actually her pastor.  At this time this family does not have a pastor who they can count on.  However, if they did, then the pastor would have every right to come into the home and spank Pamela as well as Elaine, since he would have more of a “family” relationship than I am who is just a counselor.  And, when the pastor spanks Pamela, he would do so the same way as Elaine does; i.e., take her to her room, remove her clothes and take her over his knee and spank her.  However, this ritual may also vary, and is often different in other homes, where the girl is just made to bare her bottom and bend over to be spanked.

As a single mom, I cannot always give Pamela the hard spankings she needs, and I count on the Pastor to help me with that.  One important reason for the Pastor coming to our home is so that he can also administer the spankings that I need to help me be a better mother, to take proper care of the home, to control Pamela properly, to spank her properly, to behave myself by keeping myself under control in a responsible manner and being held responsible for Pamela’s behavior.  That is, if Pamela misbehaves, especially in public, then it reflects poorly on me and my lack of control of her and her behavior.  When that happens, not only does Pamela need to get spanked, but I also need to be spanked for lacking my parenting abilities.  After I am spanked, I am then lectured and instructed on what I am to do so that I become a better parent, a similar lecture and instruction that Pamela receives to improve her own behavior.

Although Elaine is a single mom, there are times also when married moms may need the help of their Pastor in disciplining their daughters.  

The Pastor has a higher authority in the home than either the mom or dad, and when the Pastor comes in, his orders must be obeyed, and his correction will carry more weight than if the mom or dad just administer a spanking.  When the Pastor tells a girl to get her clothes off and bend over his knee, she will quickly obey with no resistance.  And, as he spanks her, she will hold her position until he is done with her bottom.  The mom and dad will watch approvingly as their daughter is properly spanked and corrected.  Then when the Pastor finishes the girl’s spanking and makes her kneel in front of him to be lectured about what is expected of her, she will listen better as she continues to cry.  Also, if the mom has been responsible for controlling the daughter but has not done so, then the dad will take the daughter to her room to wait, as the Pastor orders the mom to get her clothes off and bend over his knee for her own spanking to help her focus on her responsibilities in controlling her daughter. 

Concerning giving a girl a proper spanking, Elaine wrote to me concerning the proper spanking-position for a girl.  She wrote:  

This is how I envision me when you take me to my bedroom to be spanked.  And, that is how I always spank Pamela.  I want to be treated as the naughty girl that I am when I do not take proper care of my home or spank Pamela as I should.  As our Pastor, we must submit to you for our spankings as you order, and we must obediently bend over your knee to be spanked when ordered.  I know that when Pamela turns 18, that you will also be spanking her, and I will train her properly so that she always presents her bare bottom to be spanked as ordered.  She must learn that her Pastor has total control of her.”

She provided the following photo:

When I had to be spanked, Mom or Dad sat on the edge of my bed and draped me over their knee.  Spankings were almost always with the palm of the hand, slapping my bare bottom and backs of my thighs.  A wooden hairbrush was also used, but it was only used for severe infractions.  My parents slapped at a constant pace, alternating between left and right buttocks.  This went on, without stopping, until the spanking was over.  A spanking meant 10-20 minutes, and I pretty much cried and bawled throughout the whole time!  For me, a “time out” meant being put in a wooden chair (no arms) upstairs in the hallway for a given amount of time.  I guess this was our form of corner time.  The chair was next to a small desk in the hallway, the back up against the wall.  Being put in the timeout chair was something that happened regardless of how old I was.  Even when I went to college, I could still be found in the timeout chair after a spanking, spankings that I continued to receive for misbehaviors, disobedience, poor academic performance, and so on.  Our church was a small Protestant church in the neighborhood.  Our Pastor was invited to our home to discuss my behavior.  He was told about the timeout chair and he told me to go and stay there until he finished talking with my parents.  They told him how they punished me with spankings, mouth-washings, corner time, and so on.  Then he said that to control me better, I should be given some very definite rules to follow and be spanked if I failed to follow them.  He gave me definite chores to do in the home.  He said that I had to get all “A”- and “B”-grades in school.  He said that I had to be home during the week by 5:00 to help with dinner, and could not go out after dinner.  He said that I had to behave myself as mom and dad told me to behave.  He said that I had to be in church every Sunday morning and at Bible class every Wednesday evening.  He said that I had to obey anyone who was in charge of me at home or outside the home, like when I babysat, went to a friends’ home, went shopping or wherever I went.  He said that especially when I went to babysit the girl I did every Saturday afternoon, that if I did not take care of the home properly, or the girl, that I would have to be spanked by her parents, and he would tell them to do so.  And, when they spanked me, I would be spanked just I would be at home—I would be taken to a bedroom, made to take my clothes off and bend over the dad’s knee to be spanked.  Then, after the Pastor finished talking with us, to make sure that I would obey, I had to get undressed and bend over his knee to be spanked.  After that, I became much more obedient and always behaved much better, even though I still got spanked frequently, and a few times when I babysat on Saturday.  Whenever the Pastor came to spank me or any girl, we had to be completely obedient to him.  If he inspected us, which he did, we had to get undressed and kneel to be inspected or do whatever else he wanted to do with us.  When he wanted to spank us, we had to bend over his knee in a very passive and obedient manner and hold our position until he was done spanking us, and so on.

How often a girl is spanked, depends on what is intended.  The ritual punishment session and spanking described below actually is designed to minimize the number of spankings a girl is given, since it takes a lot of time and effort, and most disciplinarians do not have the time to administer them.  Also, it helps so that a girl is spanked only when she really needs it, and otherwise is given other punishment, like simply lecturing her, sending her to her room for a period of time, sending her to do corner-time, given a short 5- to 10-minute spanking, or some other punishment that does not take a lot of time and effort on the part of the disciplinarian.  (Click on the following photo-story to enlarge it).

The effectiveness of focused spankings is stated clearly by a girl who receives them:  

A very hard spanking shakes me into this place of being responsible and feeling like the punishment is useful!  I become hyper-obedient and jump immediately to obey when I am told to do something.  That is how a girl should respond.  After I am given a very hard focusing-spanking, and I am screaming and crying convulsively, and my bottom is red, bruised and blistered, it is a cathartic experience and I know that I had better behave myself and be obedient, or I will be right back over my Daddy’s knee receiving another very hard blistering spanking.  Spankings do work when administered properly; that is, hard and long, for at least 10 minutes, but most often for 20 minutes or longer.”

And, spankings are very important for helping a girl to get good grades in school.  See the following photo-story:

Elaine says that she has a time-out chair sitting in the hallway where Pamela is sent to sit when ordered.  This may often be used for her corner-time, or just when Elaine wants her under control.  I have recommended that such chair be placed in the foyer to the home and is also used for immediate spankings that may be required.

Also, I will often make a girl to assume other positions than OTK.  One that is excellent is to make her bend over the end of her bed.  Although in the following movie I am spanking Kyndall with my hand, such position is also excellent for the use of a strap, paddle, hairbrush, or any other desired implement.